


Cirilla

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Series: Toss A Coin to Your Witcher [3]
Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Good Parent Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Humor, Insecure Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Protective Jaskier | Dandelion, Singer Jaskier | Dandelion, god the tags for this fandom are 80 years long, its the damn crazy names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:48:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Yennefer is unsure whether or not Witcher reflects Jaskier’s actual feelings towards the people in his life or not. Its hard to tell with so many made up characters and the fantasy setting.But there are some characters that are clearly people he knows, and she wants to know if Jaskier is writing pure fiction or not. She may not have been so concerned, or more accurately curious, if not for the depiction of her in his writing.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Toss A Coin to Your Witcher [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635163
Comments: 15
Kudos: 350





	Cirilla

**Author's Note:**

> Man, I started working on this after a long break today and its like the words all fell out at once. My fingers had a hard time keeping up but I really like what came out! I think I've set up some neat things here with the characters, more to come for Yennefer anyway. And this one is a little more emotionally driven than the previous two- a little less humor and a little light angst lol.
> 
> Jaskier, reaching into people's souls and pulling out all their emotional inadequacies.
> 
> Warnings for mentions of drug use.

Jaskier sits perched on Roach holding her reins while she makes some god damn _demonic_ noises and trots on the spot. He clings tight to the horse with his thighs, certain that Geralt has decided that he wants Jaskier dead and he’s chosen an easy way to make his death look like an accident. Death by horses being horrible, sounds about right to him.

“Calm down, you’re freaking Roach out,” Geralt tells him, hand on the _horse’s_ nose like out of the two of them the damn _horse_ needs it.

“The horse is freaking _me_ out,” Jaskier says, fingers tight on the reins.

“This is going to end in _disaster_ ,” Ciri says gleefully, holding up her phone like he’s about to get something funny on camera. Roach makes _some_ type of noise and lifts the front half of her body a little and Jaskier clings to her tighter with his thighs.

  
“Roach, if it is not _too_ much to ask I would appreciate it if you kept all four of your finger nails on the _ground_ ,” he tells the horse. Geralt rolls his eyes and Geralt is a half a step away from sleeping on the couch, this was a horrible idea.

“Calm down,” Geralt tells him, “she can sense your nervous energy.”

“What is she, a fucking crystal ball? And quite frankly _she’s_ the one who is two thousand pounds. You bring a human to a horse fight and they’re _dead_. What’s _Roach_ got to be afraid of?” he asks, letting out a distressed noise when the horse shifts again.

“Jaskier, you need to calm down,” Geralt says and he looks worried and that’s not good and- he lets out a loud shriek as Roach takes off running. He hears Geralt yell something behind him but he’s too busy paying attention to not falling off the fucking horse to pay any attention to it.

*

He supposes Ciri got her wish because the horse _did_ take off with him and she caught it on video and for once he’s confused by his fans. The video is prefaced with him and Roach both making it out of the encounter fine and Jaskier would like to contest that but it _is_ true that he didn’t get hurt thanks to his thighs of steel. He didn’t think all that time making music videos with complicated dance numbers would have been his saving grace but here he is.

Mostly he watches it because he wants to see how Geralt reacted once Roach ran off with him.He watches until the demon horse takes off with him and from here it was mostly a lot of screaming at Roach until Geralt found him on his end, but Ciri’s end Geralt lets out a loud, “ _fuck_ ,” and runs back to the barn, returning moments later on a horse to go take off after him.

“Did…” Ciri says mostly to herself, “he just _scream_ in a high G?” That’s where the video ends and he did, in fact, let out a scream in a high G and he’s a little mad about it.

“Oh come on, she _posted_ that?” Geralt asks from behind him.

“Geralt, have you heard of My Chemical Romance?” he asks, turning to look at him. Geralt frowns so he assumes that’s a no. “Turns out they have a song that starts with a high G. People have replaced the G with me screaming and its a meme now. What am I supposed to make of that?”

“I told Ciri to stop posting random videos of you on her Twitter,” he mumbles angrily, clearly unconcerned with Jaskier’s plight.

“Geralt, I’m a meme in an emo song, _please_ mourn with me. I don’t know what I’m mourning but its the death of something. Or maybe I should be celebrating the birth of something I’m unsure.”

“The death of Ciri’s Twitter is what it is,” he says and Jaskier lets out a long sigh.

“I told her it was _fine_ because she doesn’t post anything all that personal so leave her alone, she’s just being funny. Also, your horse is the worst and if anything should be banned it should be Roach for nearly killing me,” he points out.

“Roach was just being a horse, you were making her nervous and it made her skittish. If you had calmed down like I told you to she wouldn’t have done that,” Geralt tells him.

“Spoken like a true horse girl,” Jaskier mumbles, getting a dirty look from Geralt and he can look mad about it all he wants but its not anyone’s fault but his that he’s a horse girl.

“Your scream has become a meme,” Ciri says as she walks into the room, apple in her hand.

“I’ve heard. Tell Geralt his horse has rabies or something,” Jaskier says.

Ciri betrays him by snorting, “no, you just made her nervous is all. She doesn’t do that with anyone else.” He needs a new surrogate child because this one is defective. The next one preferably will not like horses, he’ll do some research to ensure it.

“Oh I’m sure she does that with some people, I can’t be the only one.”

“She never did that with Yennefer,” Geralt says and _oh_ , if he thinks he gets to bring up his ex like its some type of competition between the two of them he’s wrong.

“Roach could sense that Yennefer is a cold and unfeeling being who has more raw power than her, that’s not _my_ fault,” Jaskier says, arms crossed.

“If you had just calmed down-” Geralt starts but Jaskier holds up a hand.

“Oh I’m sorry, who was it that reminded you that they were terrified of horses? Oh, was that _me_? Maybe someone over there should have listened,” he says, nose in the air.

Geralt sulks, “can we go back to you being a meme?”

Jaskier sighs because _finally_. “What the hell kind of strange shit is _that_?” he asks Ciri specifically because its the youths and she’s a youth. She must know things.

“At least its not poot Lovato,” Ciri says and she’s right so he nods.

“That is a saving grace, thank you.”

Geralt frowns, “what the fuck is poot Lovato?”

Jaskier wishes he could live in such adorable ignorance but given that he’s one of Ciri’s memes away from being another poot he’s got no such luck.

*

Yennefer looks amused and Jaskier doesn’t know if that’s good or not. Probably not, he’s fully convinced an angel dies every time she smiles. “Geralt is on the couch looking distressed,” she says.

“Geralt compared me to you _twice_ today so he can stay out there,” Jaskier tells her, waving a marker around with a flourish.

“You say that like you aren’t drawing him as we speak,” Yennefer says, walking over to his bed and sitting on it, crossing her legs like this is some type of slumber party where they’re about to share secrets. Being Yennefer’s friend is strange and he’s not sure he likes it. But it does come with some serious perks so he’ll give her that.

“I’m not actually, I’m drawing fire,” he tells her. “For the end of the second Witcher novel.”

He gets an approving nod so he’ll take that as a good thing. “You should make him sleep on the couch for a week,” Yennefer tells him.

“I’m not going to make him sleep out there that long,” Jaskier says. “He’s warm and I like the extra heat in the morning.”

“Priss,” she accuses. “I would have skinned him alive for the first comparison let alone the second,” she says like she doesn’t have a soft spot for Geralt and only Geralt. She would have been annoyed, but that’s it.

“Roach likes you,” he says, wrinkling his nose.

“Roach knows not to test me,” Yennefer corrects and Jaskier throws a hand up.

“That’s what I said!”

“No, you said the horse could sense that I was a cold unfeeling being with more raw power than her, but lucky for you I like your description better,” Yennefer says and of _course_ Geralt ratted him out. Jaskier needs to find a new boyfriend, one who isn’t _like_ this. “She likes apples,” Yennefer adds and Jaskier frowns. “The horse. She likes apples. Give her a gala apple and she’ll be fine with you.”

Yeah, Jaskier has some serious doubts about that. “I don’t need the horse to like me.”

“People like it when their pets like their significant others,” Yennefer points out. “And Geralt is weirdly attached to his horses.”

“Why are you encouraging this?” he asks, squinting at her. She’d never admit it because she’s _Yennefer_ but she’s still hung up on him. It must suck to see him with someone else even if she’d never show it.

“Its convenient to me at the moment. Now give me the pages, I have editing to do,” she says, waving a hand around. He hands over the pages without question, debating on asking her more about the supposed convenience of their relationship but he figures he’ll leave it for now. She probably won’t answer him anyway so he figures he’ll spare her skirting the answer and figure it out at some other point.

She takes her collected pages and makes her way to the door, turning to look at him. “He actually cares about you, you know. Its difficult to tell given that he speaks caveman more than human, but he does care,” she tells him, leaving him with that cryptic shit. He decides that maybe that’s enough of today for today and makes the probably great executive decision to go to bed.

*

“No,” Geralt says and Jaskier throws his hands up in the air.

“Geralt, the song _and_ the album are called ‘Cirilla,’ it makes no sense to not have Cirilla on the cover!”

“I’m fine with it,” Ciri says from off to the side probably just to stir the pot. Yennefer is sitting beside her and suspiciously silent so Jaskier assumes she’s biding her time.

“You’re a minor, you get no say in this,” Geralt tells Ciri. “And you’re not putting her on the cover of your damn album. Its a wonder she doesn’t constantly get harassed by fans and paparazzi as it is.”

Its not actually, turns out Ciri is weirdly good at blending in with a crowd and wears wigs in public whenever she leaves any vicinity he’s also in. Turns out no one even knows she’s blonde. Credit where its due, Jaskier has no idea how she does it. “Geralt,” he starts but he gets cut off.

“ _No_ , Jaskier.”

“Her face won’t be on the cover, Geralt,” Yennefer says, deciding now is the time to jump in apparently. “He’s not completely _stupid_ ,” she adds.

“Calanthe’s fine with it,” Ciri says.

“Well Calanthe isn’t your owner,” Geralt mumbles and Yennefer’s eyebrows hit her hairline. Jaskier takes a step away from Ciri probably looking a bit like he’s stepped on a landmine, and Ciri looks too calm to actually _be_ calm.

“Sorry, what was that Geralt?”

Geralt knows he’s stepped into a pile of shit if the sorry look on his face is any indication. “You know what I meant,” he mumbles.

“I’m not quite sure I do, actually,” Ciri says. “Care to explain?” She sounds remarkably like Calanthe and Jaskier has to appreciate the strength she’s managed to grow into.

“So it’s settled, Ciri will do the photoshoot, come along,” Yennefer says, prodding Ciri away from Geralt. She goes, glaring briefly at Geralt over her shoulder and Jaskier takes his cue to run off with the two of them. “Just a tip,” Yennefer murmurs on the way out of the room, “we all know Geralt has the emotional competence of a braindead wombat, just wait for him to say something especially stupid to get what you want. Works like a charm every time, no matter how opposed to the thing he is. And we’ll have to make sure no identifying features of Ciri’s are on that cover or he’ll skin us both.”

When they return Geralt is anxiously perched on the couch looking quite sorry for his actions. “Sorry I implied I owned you,” Geralt tells Ciri almost as soon as he sees her.

She quints at him, “you did more than _imply_ ,”

He sits there for a moment clearly unsure what to do before he talks again. “How was the photoshoot?” he asks.

Jaskier assumes he’s got an ulterior motive there but Ciri allows it. “Fine. Its really annoying to have to stand in fifty million different positions at awkward angles so no one can actually see who you are.”

“What’s the point of you being on the cover if no one actually knows its you? Doesn’t that defeat your point?” Geralt asks Jaskier specifically.

“No, because _I_ know,” Jaskier tells him. “Consider it artistic integrity.”

Geralt looks annoyed but says nothing after he spares another glance at Ciri and finds her still annoyed. “I get approval,” he mumbles after a long moment.

Jaskier rolls his eyes, “ _obviously_ , Geralt.”

*

Yennefer is unsure whether or not Witcher reflects Jaskier’s actual feelings towards the people in his life or not. Its hard to tell with so many made up characters in the mix too, and the fantasy setting. But there are some characters that are clearly people he knows, and she wants to know if Jaskier is writing pure fiction or not. She may not have been so concerned, or more accurately curious, if not for the depiction of her in his writing.

She’s _strong_ , and treated with a level of respect she wouldn’t have thought Jaskier would give her. From the beginning of her story the character that’s clearly likened to her shows a level of strength even when she struggles, and as she looks over the pages Jaskier drew for the end of the second Witcher novel she’s unsure if this is how Jaskier genuinely feels about her. She’s the savior of the battle, its her pent up anger, loss, bitterness, and loneness that’s let out in full force along with a heightened ability with magic. She’s a powerful mage here, more powerful than anyone else he’s shown. And the way the other characters talk about her implies that at least some of her power level is unprecedented. She’s sought after and feared in equal amounts.

But its her releasing everything she’s kept inside and the results are devastating. The panels get wider as they seem to pan up and away from the initial drawing of her face wreaked with emotions that are hard to identify Jaskier managed to jam so many in there. The fire seems to extend for miles in front of her, covering a huge area. Its a good cliff hanger too, because magic in Jaskier’s world doesn’t come without a price and so far in this battle several mages have died doing less than what Yennefer is doing now. But she stands strong, flames licking at her hands as she unleashes an amount of power that shouldn’t even exist. Whether or not she’ll live is the question, because she’s powerful but that kind of power needs to be drawn from somewhere and her elven heritage will only explain so much of a power boost.

But she wonders if this is how Jaskier views her, as someone who is profoundly powerful, profoundly selfish, and profoundly lonely despite a strong ruthlessness about her that lands her wherever she wants to be. Her character works hard and finds it has no payoff, that she never achieved the dreams she set out to in the beginning because the position she’s chosen to take up is without the power she was seeking, without the glory. It all goes to the kings and queens she protects, the ones she keeps on the throne no matter their crimes and the hollow feeling she’s left with eats at her. Its only worse when she discovers those that have been accepted into her position after her are only the results of nepotism.

What she really wonders is if Jaskier knows this is how she feels in real life, jaded by her work however successful she is because she never gets the credit for her brilliance, and she _is_ brilliant. Jaskier went from an unknown busker to an international sensation in two months thanks to her work, and he’s enjoyed five years more of that fame thanks to her. In fact Jaskier is a household name even to people who aren’t knowledgeable about popular culture thanks to her. But the only credit she gets, interestingly, appears to be from Jaskier in the form of a high fantasy graphic novel that perfectly reflects her frustrations in the real world.

Hell, even among her colleagues she gets no credit for her work not unlike her elven counterpart. She’s done nothing but work her ass off her whole fucking life only to find the relatives of coworkers in intern jobs they have no business being in. Her work is for nothing because she gets nothing out of it, even when she should be well known. Jaskier isn’t her first success even if he’s her biggest success. She knew she’d seen something there, something underneath that raw talent of his. She’s gotten good at spotting it, that spark that draws people in and makes them buy whatever the fuck she slaps Jaskier’s name on. For his part Jaskier is mostly happy to do what she wants thanks to Geralt being around.

She’d miscalculated that. She’d thought having him around more might… rekindle something, maybe. For all their inability to work things out they’ve always seemed to come back together eventually, even if its never been permanent. But Jaskier’s charm seems to have worked on Geralt too, and if he feels about Geralt the way he does about book Geralt she can’t in good conscience take that away from him. She’s never had much of a conscience and most days she’s fine with that, like her comic self, but Geralt always has brought out the best in her. Brought out parts of her she wasn’t even sure existed anymore. She wants him to be happy, and Jaskier may be good at hiding his emotions under the veneer of an idiot but she’s certain Jaskier cares about him.

Between someone who’s always been mildly unstable and ambitious to the point of destruction and a man who wrote himself and Geralt into a novel but made _Geralt_ the main character the choice is obvious. Yennefer is hard and unyielding, she won’t sacrifice her career or anything else she wants for Geralt and she’s made that clear. Its why they’ve never lasted, because her work has always gotten in the way and she refuses to give that up because Geralt is looking for something different. He’s just as unyielding in his standards too, which is why he’s always left. Jaskier would do what it takes to please him though, already does even though he stretches his limits often. But he never pushes Geralt to his breaking point the way she does.

Jaskier, as much as it pains her to admit it, is a genuinely good match for Geralt. He’s a balance to Geralt’s emotionally stunted nature, and his bright personality and quirky sense of humor draws Geralt out in a way she’s never been able to. But then she’s drawn out parts of Geralt Jaskier hasn’t seen either. Not that she’s sure that’s a good thing. Cirilla probably decided it anyway. Its not that she ever had a problem with Ciri, its just that she’s always wanted her own child and hadn’t been able to move past that to accept Ciri as her own. She’s tried, of course, she’s not a _monster_ but she’s not sure she loves Ciri as much as she’d love her own child. Jaskier has no such qualms and accepted Ciri wholly and immediately. She knows Geralt and he might get past the horse thing but he’d never date anyone who didn’t love Ciri the way he does. And technically she’s not his either, but he loves her like she is. Even when he’s bad at showing it.

She stares down at the pages and wonders if maybe Jaskier is telling her something, or making an unintentional connection to her real life future. She feels much the same way her comic counterpart does in real life, and she wonders if, like her counterpart, continuing down this path will be her destruction too. If she’ll burn it all out one day, scotching everything in her path until nothing is left, not even herself. Or maybe she’s already done that and lost herself anyway. Or maybe there’s nothing to it and she’s looking for symbolism where there is none, hoping desperately for some type of guidance to fill the void she’s noticed growing wider the more success she’s gotten. The longer she does this the more she knows that she’s good at it, but that’s all she is. And that will never be enough.

*

Geralt doesn’t really want anything to do with Ciri on an album cover but he has to admit that Jaskier’s vision for it does genuinely make it impossible to identify her. Her blonde hair and pale skin are hardly unique features and could belong to hundreds of models and the pictures are genuinely pretty. Jaskier hasn’t asked about his choice, giving him the space to make his decisions given that he knows he’s not happy about this. If he hadn’t stuck his damn foot in his mouth this never would have happened but he knows its Yennefer’s doing. Its always Yen’s doing. He has no idea how she’s always been so good at manipulating him and its always been a point of contention. So is her inability to stop perhaps because she’s got a mean streak along with her heightened sense of ambition. But he’s not a career she can climb to the top of, and treating their relationship like that has always driven him away.

That, and Ciri. He knows Yen wants her own child and he gets that on some level, kind of. But he’s never been of the opinion that children need to share his DNA to be loved. He may not have ended up being a father figure to Ciri intentionally but he loves her all the same, and he’s grateful Calanthe allowed him to stay in her life. He never would have anticipate the fire ending the way it had, and Calanthe… She’s one of the strongest people he knows and he’s unsure he’s ever heard a person howl in pain the way she did when she found out her daughter died. Truthfully Geralt thinks she owes him a debt for getting Ciri out but it wasn’t something he’d thought about really. Someone needed to get her and there was no time for anyone else to get there and do it. What he did may look heroic but he doesn’t think of it that way, never has. He did what needed to be done, he never wanted the fanfare. He much preferred Calanthe’s quiet method of allowing him to stay in Ciri’s life, watch her grow up into whoever she’ll end up being.

Jaskier jumped into it with both feet much the way he did, and with nothing to gain from it either. More than that he’d immediately made a long series of changes in his life that Geralt knows is due to Ciri however much Jaskier probably wouldn’t admit it. He’d stopped the drugs, the partying, the running himself ragged until he couldn’t anymore. He keeps a breakneck pace but Geralt gets the feeling that’s just how Jaskier prefers to live his life- fast and unyielding. It suits him, the way he’s constantly busy with several projects at once and a relationship too. Jask has learned to balance all that, and the changes he’s made to his lifestyle, all at the drop of a hat and all for him and Ciri. Yennefer was never willing to do that, bend her lifestyle even a little to work in Geralt’s needs too, let alone Ciri’s.

Its why he loves him so much even when he does irritating shit like this, scheming with Yen to get his way for his album cover though he suspects Yen is the guiltier party in all this. Of course she is given that she’s far better at manipulating him than Jask will ever be.

“I don’t care for that one,” Jaskier murmurs as he looks over his shoulder, wrapping his arms around him. He’s more affectionate than Yen too, if only because he knows how to accept comfort and love as well as give it. That’d been the other major problem he and Yen had. Neither of them have ever been good at giving or receiving affection and genuinely believing it when it came their way. They’d always operated under a level of suspicion that led to them dancing around each other unsure how they felt and unwilling to voice their feelings. Jask doesn’t do that, doesn’t hold himself back and keep everyone at arms reach.

If anything he gives too much of himself away, too willing to share all of who he is with relative strangers because that’s just who Jask is. “I don’t like it either,” he says. The shot is a full body one of Ciri in the garden, face hidden behind her hand as she appears to be moving her hood back. The shot is taken long before the hood has time to move, obscuring her features nicely but its a busy shot too. Geralt has listened to Jaskier’s songs, including the title song that’s something of a risk if he understands it right. Jask is known for pop and most of this album strays from that in a way that could lose fans though Yen is certain it won’t. Geralt is too, because he actually thought this album was good. Jask is good with a catchy tune he’ll give him that, there’s a reason Toss A Coin got as popular as it did, but this album is something more.

“I like this one,” he says, going back to a shot of Ciri from behind. The wind must have been blowing outside because a few strands of her hair float in the breeze as she reaches up, hands partially tucked under the large purple hood covering her head. Some of the greenery is visible in the background but most of the shot is made up of Ciri’s hood and the sky. Its simple but its elegant, and maybe a little fragile feeling. Geralt thinks it fits with the imagery of Jaskier’s album, the way the emotional state of the narrater of his songs always seems to be on the edge of revealing something deeper without ever saying it. There’s small bits an pieces that escape the fragile cover of clever lyrics and sad undertones but the true emotional state of the narrater is left under wraps.

“That’s the one I liked too. It feels a bit like getting away with something, doesn’t it? Like Ciri’s identity is right there for anyone who actually knows her, but not so much for someone who doesn’t know what they’re looking for,” he murmurs.

“Like your songs,” Geralt says.

Jaskier nods, “exactly. But I’ll only use it if you’re genuinely alright with it. A model could produce those exact results, its just that I wanted the true inspiration behind the album actually present for it.”

He means it, Geralt can see it in the intent way Jaskier is looking at him. They both know how protective he is of Ciri but he’s not a moron. There is nothing here that could identify her even to people who know her. If he didn’t know this was Ciri he probably wouldn’t have guessed it was. Or at least he wouldn’t if not for his overprotective instinct. He’d know Ciri’s hair anywhere, but he doesn’t feel everyone else is as detail oriented as he is.

“As long as Ciri gives her permission this one is fine,” he says, words sounding a little sluggish even to his own ears.

Jaskier grins and hugs him, happiness radiating off of him. “Thank you,” he murmurs like Geralt isn’t aware of Jaskier’s dedication to his artistic integrity whatever that might look like in this particular moment. He’s a bit chaotic in his preferences not that Yen likes that, or didn’t until recently. Probably the lack of cocaine in his system making his actions less stupid and erratic.

“You’re welcome. Stop hanging out with Yen, she’s a bad influence,” he mumbles.

“Well I think Yennefer is great when she’s not yelling at me,” Jaskier says. “So I’ll take it. She’s been giving me tips about you, you know. And she thinks I should keep you in the dog house longer.”

Yeah, sounds like Yen. She’s hard to please and fine with that and Geralt wouldn’t blame her for it if not for her stubbornness sometimes working against her rather than for her. Jaskier is more fluid in where he sets his limits, allowing for a little experimentation before he finds what works for him, but also Geralt. Some limits are harder than others and he’s hoping he can get Jaskier used to Roach. He loves that horse and it’d be nice to take Jask riding but no, as if right now he refuses to even go in her stable let alone anywhere near Roach. Not that Geralt will be dumb enough to trust him on the horse alone again.

“See? Yen’s a bad influence,” he says, unable to properly word his concern about this. How does he tell Jaskier he left Yen, multiple times, for a reason without insulting Yen? Its not like he hadn’t loved her, he had, still does if in a different way, but he’d rather Jaskier not follow whatever her advice is.

Jaskier grins, his usual happy self as he rounds the couch and plunks himself down beside Geralt, leaning into his side. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I like Yennefer and all, she’s been good to me even if she rides my ass hard, but I don’t think I could deal with being in a relationship with her. No offense,” he says lightly.

Because its Jaskier it doesn’t sound insulting to Yennefer, it just sounds like a preference. Geralt has never been able to mimic that kind of jovial nature so he mostly sounds mean if he says things like that. “Neither could I,” he points out. It doesn’t sound as free of judgement coming out of his mouth even if he means it that way.

“Why not?” Jask asks, looking up at him from where he’s leaning. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

Geralt sighs because he’s not good at this, never has been. “Yen… often treats the things in her life like business ventures, like a contract in which she can maximize its value and efficiency and that’s just not how relationships work. That, and I was never really sure where she stood with Ciri.” She never really came out and said she didn’t care as much for Ciri because she wasn’t her biological mother, but Yen isn’t stupid either. Her opinion was known whether or not she meant for it to be.

Jaskier frowns, “really? Didn’t think Ciri would have been a problem,” he says like the thought had never occurred to him.

Geralt frowns, “why not?” It’s a problem for most people he meets, not being related to a child they’ve got to care for. Most people only seem to care about their own kids and even then most people don’t like them. He’s always been astonished by the amount of people who seem to genuinely dislike their kids. Sure he never cared about Ciri’s obsession with unicorns, or her boy band phase, or most everything else she’s shown an enthusiasm for but he’d never act as if her telling him about them is _irritating_ to him. He likes listening to her talk about the things she’s passionate about, even if it happened to be My Little Pony storylines that he couldn’t care less about. And spending time with her was never a hardship, even if he’s never been good at anything emotional. Every time he hears a parent complain about spending time with their kids he’s always genuinely shocked because the only other things he’s enjoyed as much as his time with Ciri is his time with Roach and with Jaskier.

“She’s a sweet kid, its not like she’s hard to love. And I would have assumed that someone who was dating someone with a kid would know that the kid is part of the deal. That’s common sense,” he says like this is easy to accept.

Its not, he’s had plenty of people avoid a relationship with him because of it, and sometimes he uses his status as parent to purposefully push people away. It’s what he’d done with Jaskier, when he’d panicked and outed Ciri’s existence. The _way_ Jask found out was a little bit of a surprise, he was never supposed to walk into that hotel room, but his plan should have worked either way.

But it didn’t, it backfired because Jaskier was not just fine with it, but actively offended that he didn’t spend more time with her because he was on tour with him all the time. Immediately Jaskier had set aside his feelings in favor of what he thought was best for Ciri and he’s not gone back on it since. Geralt has never met anyone who was so willing to change everything about the way they lived for a kid they just met. But that’s Jask for you, always willing to over extend himself for someone he doesn’t really know. He does it for fans all the time. Except Geralt likes that he did that for Ciri.

“Its not common sense,” Geralt tells him. “I’ve never met anyone who was willing to do what you did at the drop of a hat. Instantly she was yours.”

Jaskier rolls his eyes, “so you’re an emotionally stunted oaf who didn’t tell me about his kid, I wasn’t about to reject her. I’m not like, a Disney villain. Besides, she’s a teenager so its not like I have to change diapers. Then I may have drawn the line,” he says even though they both know he’s lying. He’d have been fine with it regardless because that’s who Jask is, and its why Geralt loves him. His ability to love people and bond with them is his best and worst trait.

“I don’t want other children,” Geralt says, figuring he’ll get that out of the way while they’re doing this. If Jaskier wants out Geralt will give him a reason.

“Fine then, I don’t care. Never really wanted kids anyway, but since I’ve got one I’m happy she’s more mature than me,” he says easily, like giving up the idea of his own kids is so easy. It wasn’t for Yen. Not, he thinks, that Jask is anything like her. In most respects they’re opposites and he realizes he likes that about him.

“I wish I met you sooner,” Geralt murmurs.

Jask shakes his head, “we met when we needed to. When we were the best prepared to accept the other’s love.”

It sounds like a corny lyric that Jask would somehow make beautiful instead of like a romantic cash grab. “I don’t think I’ve ever been prepared to accept love,” he says accidentally but its true. He’s always held everyone at arms length, carefully keeping his distance no matter how much he cares and he’s not entirely sure why. He’d say he’s afraid of getting hurt but he’s never really gotten involved enough with someone for that to happen, not really. And Ciri is a child, she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to cause proper damage yet and she wouldn’t leave him anyway. She’s soft, like Jask, and he’s certain she sees through him like Roach does.

“Maybe not, but I’ve always been willing to give it to you anyway. Maybe one day you’ll see yourself the way I do and know why I love you so much,” Jaskier tells him, sounding even more like he’s writing a song. It won’t make it into anything, Geralt knows, because Jaskier never really takes inspiration from his conversations, just his personal relationships. Or in the case of his latest album other people’s relationships. He’s surprised how accurate Jaskier’s titular album song is to his actual feelings, like Jask has looked in on his relationship with Ciri to see to the heart of how they both feel. Ciri heard it too, the raw honesty of the song, the tragedy of the relationship between himself and her as Jaskier wrote it. The emotional distance Geralt feels is evident in the lyrics, the way the song _sounds_ even, and the love and faith of Ciri’s part is just as strong with the key change. And the general feeling of hope in the song, the way he felt like it would work itself out, the emotional gap between Ciri and himself.

He doesn’t know how Jaskier managed to pack that much into a four minute song but Jask has always been an overachiever. And he’s surprisingly adept at making people feel things, Geralt knows because he never wanted to feel anything for Jask and ended up in love enough to scare himself a little.

“I doubt that, but I think I’m alright with it,” Geralt murmurs.

Jaskier snorts, “you would be. You should learn to love yourself more Geralt, there’s a lot about you that’s worthy of that much at least.”

“Hmm.” Jaskier rolls his eyes at him fondly but doesn’t say anything and maybe he doesn’t need to. They both know he’s damaged and Geralt is unsure why. He’s had his fair share of lumps sure, and he’s held a suspicion of relationships ever since his mother abandoned him at a church, but that’s hardly an excuse. He knows now that was her problem not his so he’s sure that isn’t the problem even if that’s where he knows the problem began. Even if he has no idea how someone could abandon their child like that, not when he would do anything for his child regardless of whether or not she’s related to him biologically. Not that it matters with Jask. He sees through him like Roach too, and comes with the added benefit of being better looking.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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